Early to beat the crowds, how we like the metro (it saves me so much money by avoiding the shops). The magnificent façade of Notre-Dame has for a very long time been an image in my mind. I don’t know when I had first seen it. I knew it had the twin square towers facing the place du Parvis Notre-Dame, covered in gargoyles and grotesques, at the rear the flying buttresses, these were an architectural device that revolutionised building large structures. I felt that seeing it for the first time here in Paris that I had been here before. A very short queue and we are in the cathedral. Lots of tourists’ already in, circulating up the right side around behind the high alter and back down the left returning out to the daylight. As you move up the right side there are little chapels in niches. Saint this and Saint that, Saint Bob of-the-runny-nose, the list continues. About halfway along is the Notre-Dame treasury. Okay let’s go in. Notre-Dame itself is free to visit but to walk up the towers, visit the crypt or the Treasury costs Euros. Generally you buy a Musée pass and you get into all sorts of places in Paris, but not the Treasury, that’s extra. In the Treasury we are confronted by reliquary after reliquary, we work out from the scant labelling that some of these are said to hold pieces of the true cross. I look at Mel she looks at me; we agree we need more information. Solution, buy the Treasury guide only 5 euros. It’s not much better, the guide is like one of those items made in China with the directions written by someone with no or minimal English. You know: “Do not use in swimming pool”, and that’s the directions for a toaster. Back out of the Treasury and into the anti-clockwise flow of tourists. Past more niches with more saints. Unfortunately, some of these little chapels are now storage rooms with curtains drawn across. These chapels are of saints who have now fallen into disfavour: Saint Ponsonby with the carbuncle of Uperkumbutor West – Patron Saint of Plague Rat Catchers. Notre-Dame is very hot, stuffy and very crowded – let’s get out of here. The line to get out is longer than the line to get in. To visit the towers you need to que for a separate entrance down the side of the church. The wait to get to the head of the line could be hours. Madam has a great idea: “You line up; I need to go to the loo”. “There could be one in the garden behind the church”. I offer meekly. Note – I said “could”. So me with a job that I won’t stuff up: Standing in line. In the line for about twenty minutes and it hadn’t moved – back comes madam; toilette du jardin is closed. Not to worry there is one around the other side. Not wishing to wait the 2 maybe 3 hours to see the gargoyles up close we will find the conveniences……why are they called convinces …….nothing could be more inconvenient than finding a loo in Paris. While making our way to the inconvenient-conveniences Miss Sparkle-arkle is side tracked by the nearby souvenir shops and all the glittering trinkets that have a magnetic attraction, its Mel’s piped piper of Hamlin. Shops done. The Paris de Loo done. Next stop is just fifty steps to the end of the square down the steps to the Notre-Dame crypt. The crypt isn’t what I thought it was going to be. We find that it is an archaeological site that dates back to Roman times to the Roman city of Luetia on which Paris was built. Only a dozen visitors had found their way down here. An American family where here complaining, very loudly, that the place was full of fallen down old buildings. How do these people even get a passport? Why do they bother travelling? These people probably like that bloody ugly Montparnasse Tower. Now I know why there very few visitors here.